"FRIENDSHIP and LOVE -Kaun khet ki muli?"

Tarush and Manaal met through a dating site, attracted to each other and fell in love.

One fine morning when they were discussing about their future with their dreamy eyes, they raised this evergreen argument of Love and friendship. Which gives more sustainability to a relationship? Why married couple bored after few years? We all know best friend can be the life partner but what if a life partner in your best friend!! Is it possible once if you reach the higher level of feelings can you break it and return to friend zone?

So many questions right!! I am sure there are hundred and thousand questions can be raised on friendship vs love.

 Let’s try to answer few of these questions and help the couple. Well I am not a master on this but definitely, my blog viewers are. I am sure they also can help them to find the right cord of successful relationship.

Amen!

Ok lets start with the differences

Friendship is not a state of mind is an act. It is something you do; it is not whether you are good or not, this is not a reflection of you, this is a balanced relationship between people. It varies from person to person.

Friendship and love are not quite the same.

Well start from the beginning when we think about friendship and Love what are the situations and common believes come in our mind, where are the basic differences we see from our experiences.

Friendship: You can curse each other. The more you curse, the closer friends you are. If you complement each other too often, you know that you are not close friends.
Love: You have to complement each other all the time. The more you complement the closer lovers you are. If you fight too often, you know your love is not strong.

Friendship: You can tell each other all the criticism and how fat/ugly/loser the friend looks without any fear. In fact, your best friend will always tell you what is wrong with you - mostly in most hurtful words and then laugh at you!
Love: You have to suppress any criticism that comes to your mind about your partner. If you want to convey criticism, you have to thread your words very carefully and ensure that somehow that criticism is perceived as a complement. If you choose, harsh words then be ready to pack your bags!

Friendship: You can kick your friend in the bed at 3am and ask him/her to make you a cup of tea/coffee. You'll get a kick and some abuses in return - with a steaming cup of tea/coffee (Aww that’s cute).
Love: If you want tea/coffee at 3am, get your ass out of the bed, be careful to not make any noise, make the tea/coffee and sip it in silence when s/he snores in peace.

Friendship: You can stare at hot chicks as much as you want or dream together about hot guys.
Love: You have to steal glances in the middle of conversation with your partner if you want to stare at that hot chick or check out that dude.

Friendship:  You are not expected to bath daily or smell good. You get to watch TV the whole time in your boxers. You are encouraged to cement your ass in your comfort-zone.
Love:  Shave. Shower. Comb. Perfume (good one). Talk to her (which means listen and nod and agree - repeat). If you're a girl then wax, thread, mani/padi, look good, dress up (but not provocative).

Friendship: Explore your weird side. Be wild. Encourage monkey behaviour. Help your friends when they want to go nuts. Find ways to go nuts. Strive to be different. Make memories of a lifetime.
Love: Suppress your weird side. Snub the wild. Judge others' monkey behaviour (even if you're secretly longing for it). Pattern-ize your life. Fit in the grid. Have a predictable life. Hangout with other couples. Get bored.

Friendship: Physical intimacy screws up friendship.
Love: Only good physical intimacy saves a relationship from sinking too soon.

 

Well! Well! Well

Wait a sec; I am not going to conclude here with the decision that friendship over the love is best. Because both has its own pros and cons.

Okay why I wrote these differences? because there is a very thick line between friendship and love, sometime we notice maximum time we ignore and very uncommonly we admit.  

A great person I know once wrote on the difference between friendship and love. This is what he had to say.

“Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest.”

The same person also said this about friendship:

“Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste, which the others do not share and which, until that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too? I thought I was the only one."

It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumbling or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision - it is then that Friendship is born. In addition, instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.”

However, my question is... Why should one have to choose between love and friendship? Why can't we enjoy both?

This heart is a zigzag maze - of people, of relationships, of feelings, of memories.

So why should you be content with cherry picking just a few pieces of it?

Love is definitely more complicated and harder to handle. So why love is required, if there are best friend, good pals in your life? Well there is no particular logic behind this, you cant wear a signboard in your mind with love is prohibited written in it.

Love is a lot like life, sometimes. It is a journey of different experiences. It can be difficult to handle , it will get on your nerves , it will test your patience to the limit , it will excite you to no bounds - the surge that you feel in your emotions when you think you've seen that one special person or when you're anticipating even a simple text / hi from them… and the crashing nosedive your emotions go through when you've found that the text was from someone else , that the person you saw was someone else. These things have to be seen/experienced to believe.

You tell me…

a) Have you ever felt Goosebumps when you see your friends or their text messages?

b) Have you really tried as hard to fight for your friendship or protected it from a fallout the way you would have for your love?

c) Have you really tried to put yourself on the line for friendship?

d) Do you dress up for your love the way you would for an outing with friends? No? Why? Because you want to capture and hold your lover's attention onto you.

If the answer to any of the above questions is a yes then you are in love and it is not friendship anymore.

In marriage, LOVE is the prime ingredient. Love survives hard times and comforts during the sad times.

Friends come and go; oh, yes few friends are in elliptical move too.

 

Well! So, what is Love without friendship? But to answer the question I’d say yes, depending on your age.

Friendship and love are closely connected. The major difference is the physical aspect. When you are younger, the physical aspect of love is at a premium. But as we age it’s the friendship that means more.

A 65 year old might not want Don Juan but a close friend will fit the bill nicely.

I asked many happily married couples and after a few years the sex has been greatly reduced but the friendship has grown…. So in a sense their relationship has started moving from a romantic love to a platonic love (friendship).

 

But most of all, true friends are forgiving and more acceptable. The journey from a lover to a friend to a BFF is not too easy. Much more acceptability, adaptability and open mindedness, patience are required. And It comes gradually with the habit. When couple starts staying 24X7, after couple of years they become the habit of each other, and then only right cord of friendship will come with silent acceptability and forgiveness. 

Great friendship can't be made its developed by time. 😊